Morning Musing on The Reality of Changing One’s Life
Luvlies, Good morning. Today is a strange mind day. My mental health is doing fine, but I think I am biting off more than I can chew. I am aware that improving one’s life and making life changes are not one in the same. I have to make changes whether I want to or not. There is a goal at the end of this: which is to be able to live a completely sustainable, creative existence. I have done this before in a previous iteration of myself. The difference now is I am older, and living during a time where life is more expensive than ever before. I’m being forced to throw multiple items at a wall that I cannot see. The wall being the future, and today it feels dull.
I am one of the hundreds of thousands of Black women that lost out on consistent employment over the last 2 years. Yes, this DEI weirdo BS reached Canada, a place where everyone is from somewhere else. I’m being forced to pivot for my survival. Calling it a pivot is an understatement, because the speed at which this is happening is akin to a spinning top, rather than a smooth boy band 180º.
Not gonna lie, I’m petrified. Taking risks is something I am comfortable with. The challenge is having to put myself out there, when people don’t want to see a middle-aged woman refusing to wither away and DIE.
I’m creating, painting, drawing, writing, sharing, dancing, recovering, sharing, healing, sharing, planning, calling, sharing, reaching, sharing, sharing, sharing… it’s a lot and it’s going into the ether.
Something’s not clicking. And please do not tell me I shouldn’t try so hard. I will never be afforded the luxury of effortlessness.
…and that’s time. Are you making life changes that feel hard to do? Leave your thoughts down below.
See you tomorrow Luvlies!
xoxo Luv Laney Luv
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Morning Musing is a pomodoro-timed, free thought experiment to get back into the swing of things. No Ai added.
