Morning Musing on Poisoning The Well
Luvlies, Good morning. A fitful night of rest is gonna effect my day. What happened last night? Nothing. What happened yesterday? Something. I experienced the aftermath of what is called ‘Poisoning the well‘. Remember my experience with the bully a few weeks ago? Well as predicted, she didn’t get the resolution she wanted out of our encounter, so she proceeded to talk smack about me to the instructor (who is her friend), which then the instructor brought to a class I was attending. Very 2004 Mean Girls energy, but she’s no longer a girl but an elder woman now, and her childish antics backfire.
I would have moved on from what happened a few weeks ago, but this woman wanted to teach me a lesson. I could never be guided by those who are lost.
Most bigots are like this. Very irrational in their thoughts & behaviour, because bigotry itself is irrational.
Bigotry is an attempt give weight to the intangible idea that someone is inferior to you. A bigot will grab at straws, and say things like 'Black people have smaller brains, therefore they're not as smart as others'. A statement rooted in an intangible theory, that someone will hold on to, pass it onto others, and apply in very real situations. That act of passing those beliefs onto others is how the well is poisoned. The key is to not operate in the defensive when dealing with a bigot, but the offensive.
Offensive tactics create protection around tangible, fact based things. An example of an offensive tactic is the creation of policy to protect people from being discriminated against, or something as simple as a stop sign.
When the mean lady was trying to complain about me filming in the class, the studio already had a policy in place that addressed the use of cameras in the studio. What Meanie was actually complaining about was the Black girl filming, and not the others – a sentiment I captured on video btw. When I informed her I was covered by the policy just like she was, that made her irrational.
What actually happened
In the 3 years I have been dancing and filming myself at this studio, it has never been an issue, until yesterday. I spent the 1st half of class, I filming myself at the barre. When we were practicing exercises in the center, the instructor stopped the class and openly reprimanded me for filming, insisting I stop.
It was 1) out of the blue, 2) without context, and 3) out of character for the instructor to address any student in this manner. The regulars in the class – incl. myself – were confused and uncomfortable, because this teacher never demonstrates anger or this level of sterness, ever. She attempted to shame me and imply I crossed a boundary, which happened to be the same boundary her mean friend complained about.
The boundary never existed before that moment. The goal post was moved irrationally.
One thing to know about me is I don’t talk shit about good people. I have better things to do than to malign someone’s character because I want to win an argument. I – like many others – don’t need to resort to spreading rumours about someone I want out of the way.
But I have to remember Canadian culture thrives by fostering passive aggression. People here are absolutely afraid of confrontation (healthy or unhealthy), so they resort to gossip and the intangible to define a person. It’s a scarcity mindset, where other cultures reject people who act out their arrested development in real time, Canada encourages it.
In moments like these, I know when to walk away, and when to stand up for myself. I already verbally addressed the issue of filming in the past. I wasn’t going to deal with every individual’s whim about it. Nobody puts baby in the corner.
I texted the studio owner, ‘Can we talk later today to address a certain issue?’. She messaged yes and we had an appointment to chat in an hour. I had another 100mins of classes left with this instructor, and kept my cool but I was frosty af. I respect this teacher greatly, but as Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman, “Big mistake. Big. Huge.”
Remember what other tactic I said to use when dealing with bullies? Out perform them. With the help of my rage, I jumped higher, turned faster than I’ve ever done in class, and reminded the instructor I can do many things she did not teach me.
I spoke with the owner who asked me to send her the dates and the footage. She has cameras everywhere as well, so she could cross reference my claims. I created the video montage, which demonstrates how this was targeted behaviour. She said she’ll handle it.
It’s above me now.
…and yes I’m overtime. Apologies. I appreciate you reading this difficult Morning Musing. Share your thoughts on how you combat bullying down below.
See you next week Luvlies!
xoxo Luv Laney Luv
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Morning Musing is a pomodoro-timed, free thought experiment to get back into the swing of things. No Ai added.
